This is a really good exercise to do with athletes and performers who are feeling a little overwhelmed. We all have lives that can, at times, get on top of us. It leads to a feeling of helplessness and confusion. Young athletes trying to balance school or college work with performing in top teams can most definitely feel the pressure created by workloads. By conducting this exercise with them, you can make life simpler, less complex, and, in turn, increase their confidence.
I spent some time with Tommy Freeman last week. For those who don’t know, Freeman is a prodigious talent. Capped internationally over the summer for England, his club rugby is played for Northampton Saints in the Gallagher Premiership. He is a favourite at Franklin’s Gardens because of the way he plays: intelligent and fast but most importantly, he seems incredibly gifted at producing outrageous pieces of skill when seemingly most needed. Within just a couple of seasons, Freeman has firmly set himself into East Midlands’ hearts.
We talked for the well-known rugby publication ‘The Rugby Journal’ about his rugby journey and making his international debut this summer. One part of our discussion linked especially well to my work as a Mind Coach. We discussed how he best performed out on the field. Amongst the disorder and the fury of a top-flight game of rugby, he revealed what worked for him to access his best self. He talked about his mindset and revealed how top coaches had recognised the way that his mind operates and how they have changed things to suit him.
We want to make sure that teachers receive the same sort of performance mindset coaching that elite athletes do. At the bottom of the page, there is an extract from an article in The Daily Telegraph where George Ford, the England Rugby player, details how he uses MP3 recordings to get him ready to perform. I want to create that sort of thing for teachers.
We hope you enjoy them; they can act as the catalyst for you to take greater care of yourself and your mind. I split them up for ease, although you can also download them as one long recording if you would prefer. They work best listened to with headphones, perhaps at a time when when you can just focus on yourself and your thinking.
Audio Recording 1 – You the teacher, your monkey and control
Audio recording 2 – Your superpower and clearing the street
Audio Recording 3 – Being ready for the next child and the best version of your teacher
I had a bad dream last night. One of the reasons that I am so invested in looking after other people’s mindsets is that I was, once, pretty beset by anxiety dreams. One returned last night. I now know what to do; how to deal with the subsequent feelings and thoughts I experience. Within a few moments, it was gone, dwindling like a match to its charred end.
The imagery is crucial here. Thoughts are very much like matches. If they are used in certain ways, they can start fires. Incredible, powerful, life-changing fires. Every great idea in the world started as a thought. These thoughts can propel you to achieve almost anything; feats of endurance, strength, ingenuity, passion, love and peace, all owe their existence to thought.
Parenting is the most difficult job in the world. There are numerous good intentions and a fair few bad outcomes. As parents, all we want is the best for our children, but in our pursuit to be helpful, we often become the opposite.
Nowhere is this more prominent in the idea Don Macpherson labels ‘Accidental Mind Coach’. This is when we affect the thinking or mindset of others in a negative way, without that being our intention. It is very easy to do. And while I’m not expecting you to be able to rid yourself of the problem immediately, just being aware of the idea could be the first step on the way to becoming a more effective person and parent.
Here’s something that was revealed to me by the brilliant Michael Neill, in his book and theory, ‘The Inside Out Revolution’.
It resonated with me and how my life has been. I think about the idea a fair bit and always look to try and find myself not falling into the trap. It is a cycle or process many of us will recognise. We almost get conditioned along this path from a young age. When I think back to my previous generations, my parents and grandparents, it was definitely an ideology handed down. And I’m sure you’ve heard it too.
“Life is tough.”
Just writing it, I can hear the voices from my childhood. The monologue would go something like this:
“Life isn’t easy, it’s a struggle. You have to put your head down and work hard. And that won’t be pleasant but it is something you need to do. You need to struggle, to sacrifice, to stress, because in the end you will be rewarded with success. And success, when you achieve it, will make you happy. So, let’s not complain, that is the deal, just get on with it and get used to the fact that life is tough.”
And so, this is what you do. Stoically, unquestioningly, apathetically, you just get on with it. Hoping that one day that promised land will be found and everything will become easy.
What they fail to mention, the sowers of these morbid seeds, is that success is not a destination. Success is like a moving target. When you achieve success, however wonderful, it isn’t long before your eyes are drawn further down the track, to some other success. Having achieved one thing, you immediately look for more. I talk about the addiction that many of us have to what I refer to as ‘achieving’, rather than ‘achievement’ in this blog, but let’s assume we all agree that success is not some stationary paradise that we will ever get to. And so, with it being a constantly moving objective and something we will always be striving for, we are destined for a lifetime of struggle. Seems a little daft, no?
As Michael Neill puts it – the sum doesn’t work:
Struggle/Sacrifice/Stress = Unhappiness. But our Unhappiness is withstood because it will ultimately = Success. And, we hope (or are reassured) that Success= Happiness. So let’s lay that out:
Struggle = Unhappiness = Success = Happiness
But any mathematician will tell you you can strike two of those factors out and the sum will still stand:
Struggle = Unhappiness = Success = Happiness
We are making ourselves unhappy, in the hope that we become happy.
How about we rethink that?
Fill your life with positivity and fun. Yes, work hard but do not chase success. Do not make it the be-all and end-all. Appreciate the journey you are on and do not focus on the destination. Practice, train, and aspire but remember that true happiness is found in relationships and connections with friends and family. Remove the unhappiness of struggle, sacrifice and stress and just be happy to begin with. Appreciate the small things, the moments in your life that you have and are thankful for. Enjoy the moments that go well and don’t spend too long chastising yourself when they don’t work out. Relish the challenge life hands you; don’t be motivated by money or title, be motivated by feelings of improvement and love.
Do this and things will start to feel better. Because the old way of accepting that ‘life is tough’ just doesn’t add up.
The Sky Sports Commentary team are waxing lyrical about Joe Root; England’s premier batter is showing his class once more. He has notched up his 10,000th run, in what seems like record time, and, relieved of the captaincy and under the new test match stewardship of Ben Stokes and Brendan McCullum, appears to be playing some of his best cricket.
But then something is said in commentary that really piques my interest: “Joe Root always seems to play well at this ground. And that’s definitely ‘a thing’: you turn up at a ground and you just know you’re going to play well.”
I am always looking to the world of sport for lessons in mind coaching and teaching. I’m constantly learning from all sport and I love to read about the way that various coaches and managers get better performances from their players.
There’s a coach at the moment who is making waves in football. Not for his overt management of a few multi-million-pound-a-year footballers, but for how he quietly goes about getting the best out of every player in his team. In fact, his club are becoming well-known for their ability to create very good players – taking players that other clubs aren’t drawn to, and making them a lot better.
I will often be met with the idea that fear motivates people to achieve things. This is not an uncommon theory and has been pushed and indeed championed by successful people.
I’ve been coaching students at Y11, 12 and 13 and listened to the way they think about and see their lives, and the way they have to perform. This idea of motivational fear will often come up. Teens taking important exams will be driven to revise by a fear of failure. One boy even referred to this process as ‘almost natural’.